If you're not already following Mallory Ortberg (@mallelis) on Twitter, you should be. But I came here to share a piece she wrote about Clooney's engagement on The Toast (which you should also be reading).
The news is officially out. After PEOPLE exclusively confirmed that George Clooney was off the market, his fiancée, human rights lawyer Amal Alamuddin, was congratulated by her law firm.
"You're a fool," the supervisor had told her.
"I know," she said.
He thumped the desk in frustration. "You'll be dead before the ceremony's finished."
"I don't care," she said.
"You'll break his heart."
She hesitated, this time. "I know."
The supervisor visibly composed himself before he came around to the front of the desk. He knelt beside her and took her hand in his. "You understand, don't you," he began, "why we started the Tears in Rain project? Why Tyrell Corp manufactures Clooney girlfriends with two-year lifespans? Why none of you are permitted to go Offworld? That it's for his own good, for his protection? That every single one of your predecessors has happily – gratefully — powered down after her watch ended?"
Read more at http://the-toast.net/2014/04/28/geo…