Oh, I’m sorry Strange-Man-Who-Approached-Me-In-The-Park (and clearly can’t read body language telling you to get the hell away from me), did you think you were going to convince me not to take the gym back because I wouldn’t be collecting coins for another twenty hours? Didn’t realize I was supposed to defer to your opinion on what constitutes a waste of my time. Did I inconvenience you by actually, ya know, playing the game? Heaven forbid you should waste any precious potions so your precious Pokemon can take the gym again.

And please, tell me all about how you’ve spent weeks building up your Pokemon even though nobody fucking asked. I’m completely riveted. Mine aren’t lower level than yours because I have a chronic illness that makes getting out to play incredibly difficult and because I have two children to take care of as my priority over a phone app. Nooooooo. Obviously they have lesser CP stats than yours because I just don’t love the game as much as you and my little lady brain can’t comprehend it like your impressive brain of valor.

Too bad shortly after you took the gym again somebody with Pokemon bigger and stronger than you took it right away.

Oh, and how about that, even with my little sub-one-thousand CP pocket monsters I managed to wrestle the gym away from them. Don’t worry, I didn’t perform any sexual favors to accomplish that. It just took a little time, strategy, and persistence.

Because while I might not usually give a fuck about how long I hold a virtual reality gym for imaginary creatures, I do give a fuck about bruising the egos of douche canoes like you.