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Marriage: how does it work?

I've never really seen a good marriage.

Sure, I know of people who seem to have good marriage ("seem" being the operative word here, since people used to think my parents were happy while I knew they were miserable the whole time). But I don't know any of them well.

And now that I'm engaged, I guess it's hitting me really hard: I don't know how to do this. And I'm scared. And honestly, I've been kind of freaking out for a few months now. I really don't want to end up like my mom - I don't want to wake up one day and realize that my husband doesn't love me and I gave up all of my career dreams and passions to raise a family and I have nothing. This weekend I realized I've been trying to force GreenHunk to fix every single little thing that bothers me about our relationship, right now, because I'm so scared that we'll get married and after the fact I'll realize that I've lost myself. And it hasn't been working out very well. We've been fighting a lot. I've honestly been thinking about leaving just because I am so fucking scared. And I haven't admitted that to anyone, even myself, because that's scary too.


We finally talked about it this weekend. I mean, we finally talked about the real issue, not the surface ones that were covering up how much I've been freaking out. And that's good, and I think we can work toward fixing it now. But I think it might help me to be less scared if I could see an example or two of a marriage that doesn't suck.

GT, I know a lot of you are married happily. So how do you do it? How do you compromise in a relationship without losing yourself, and your dreams? If you were scared, how did you cope?

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