"Marriage Isn't For Me": In Things That Rub Me The Wrong Way

Written by a fairly newly married guy, this is an essay about how he was anxious about marrying his best friend and his dad set him straight about how marriage is to make others happy, and so your future children have a happy home. Not because you want it. What a selfish asshole that guy was, to make sure he was making a decision that would make HIM happy too!

http://sethadamsmith.com/2013/11/02/mar…

This points out so much about the flawed institution.

"With a knowing smile he said, “Seth, you’re being totally selfish. So I’m going to make this really simple: marriage isn’t for you. You don’t marry to make yourself happy, you marry to make someone else happy. More than that, your marriage isn’t for yourself, you’re marrying for a family. Not just for the in-laws and all of that nonsense, but for your future children. Who do you want to help you raise them? Who do you want to influence them? Marriage isn’t for you. It’s not about you. Marriage is about the person you married.”"

I get it, the main point is that to love is to be selfless - that he cares about his wife and wants her happiness more than anything. That is great and that is a perfect way to love someone - but the fact that your essay starts with your wedding jitters really rubs me wrong. I do not think it is outrageous to say that by taking care of your own happiness, you will be able to take care of another's.

"For many months, my heart had been hardening with a mixture of fear and resentment." They had a huge fight, and his wife was patient with him - it occurred to him that he had only been considering his own feelings and not hers.

I agree, that one has to consider everyone. But this guy is so clearly miserable, and he clearly feels a lot of guilt that his wife is awesome and he feels like a selfish schmuck.

Advertisement

But he is doing her a major disservice by stringing her along, grinning and bearing it when this is not what he wants. A huge disservice.

Anyway, this article is getting very positive reactions on my Facebook, so I wanted to come here and be Negative Nancy about it.