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Me, a man, and his dog: Request for advice

So after a few months of the online dating dance, I found a guy that I like. And he likes me and we decided to make it official and delete our respective profiles. It’s been 3 months and we both told each other that we are in love. He is generous, and kind, and we really click. But since there is always a but, here it is

He is married (in the process of getting a divorce, they live separately, their relationship covers 2 countries and 2 citizenships that are for 3rd and 4th countries making it complicated) with 2 children. And a dog. The married and kids part are fine. I understood when I entered a relationship with him that he was a package deal.

But he’s told neither the soon-to-be ex wife nor the kids about us. Again, I understand and accept his reasons for it. We’re still fairly new and it is a huge step. The part that is really pissing me off is the fucking dog.


My mother had three cats and she was a terrible cleaner, so there was cat hair EVERYWHERE! So much so that I literally had to put a scarf on my head the minute I got home to prevent cat hair sticking to my natural long locs. Moving out and not dealing with it has been glorious. But now his dog (that he has partial custody of) has free reign of the house, which includes the bed, and I am subjected to animal hair again. The first time I slept over, I lifted a pillow and gagged when I saw how much hair was there. When he tried to get frisky and throw me on the floor during sexy times, I immediately put my hands under my head and yelled “there’s so much dog hair on the carpet!”

I’ve asked that we can at least agree to not have the dog under the covers and it looks like I’ll have to compromise on this small request because he is convinced that the dog is experiencing emotional distress since she’s 7 years old and has always been allowed under the covers.

We just had our first big blow up because of it. I told him that I accepted being placed 2nd in his life after his kids. But I’m not ready to accept being a lower priority than a fucking dog. He considers it family and I would be able to accept it as a family member if it didn’t mean that my comfort is being sacrificed for its “mental wellbeing”. His argument is that the dog needs consistency and since his wife lets the dog sleep with her, its hard to get the dog trained to sleeping on top of the sheets. And of course he can’t request that she stops letting the dog sleep with her since she doesn’t know about me. And I don’t think our first introduction should be me critiquing her dog raising skills.

I’m not going to break up with him over this. I just need to know what to do. I already agreed to letting the dog sleep with us, but I’m already starting to resent it. Like, how much will I have to compromise for this. And I honestly doubt the dog is going to become clinically depressed over it. Like, will Fido OD on sleeping pills?!?

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