FACT: most stereotypes about women are a result of men projecting their bullshit insecurity onto others. Case in point, the stereotype that women are emotionally needy.
Over the past several years of singledom I have been inadvertently conducting a social experiment on this issue. To wit - and here’s the part where I challenge your claimed feminist dedication to sex positivity - I have been steady cruising the Craigslist’s Casual Encounters section for dick. There are many reasons for this that I would break down as follows:
- I prefer to only have sex in a committed relationship.
- I am Catholic, so if I cannot accomplish #1 I prefer to practice abstinence.
- I am Catholic, so if I cannot accomplish #2 I have a prearranged process for admitting to and apologizing for this failure.
- I love sex. Full stop.
- I am Korean, so I am highly pragmatic.
The way this shakes out is I go as long as I possibly can without sex and then when I get unbearably horny I look for someone who can help me scratch that itch. I suppose if that person was magically everything I was looking for in a partner I would not be averse to starting an actual relationship. Alas, this has not happened. So what I’m left with is a guy I am not interested in dating, but who I am interested in boning once or twice so that I can clear my head and calm my nerves. In other words, I would like to use these men for sex.
I always state this very clearly in my ads, though it shouldn’t be necessary in a section that is explicitly reserved for “No Strings Attached” sex. But oh, the arrogance of manhood...they don’t realize that talking to them beyond the time it takes to orgasm is a “string”.
Men love to think that they have transcended emotion (as if that’s a worthy goal) and lay sole claim to the “hit it and quit it” mentality, only I have yet to meet one who is actually willing to quit. As in shut up. And go away. I suppose if the agreement is “friends with benefits” then there is legitimately an expectation that you will be friends. But “No Strings Attached” means no, I don’t want to hang out afterwards. No, I don’t want to cuddle. No, I don’t care about your band or your career goals or your volunteer works. No, you can’t call me (unless it’s merely to offer more NSA sex...and no, not tomorrow). And no, it wasn’t magical because I don’t know you and that’s kind of a prerequisite for a special mind/body connection.
Amazing though, how few men can accept this. Some of it, I’d wager, is just plain greed. They got something they want, now they want more and they feel entitled to it. But most of the time the reaction I get when I try to shake them off is genuine sadz. Like I almost feel bad? But no. Why the hell did you think you could make an end-run around actually courting and getting to know a woman and instead just make her fall in love with you by sticking your dick in her?
Sorry homie, but we’re not the ones who roll like that.