To all of you who commented on my posts, I just wanted to post one update for you because I love you all and am so thankful for your sweet support. It really, really made an impact in my life over the past couple of days. Honestly, just knowing people cared made me keep going.
I’ve been able to talk to both my psychologist and psychiatrist. My psych changed my meds and added one back in which will let me sleep (very important) and have some positive mood implications. My psychologist is seeing me monday.
My husband has been doing the following:
1. Taking my kid’s 2:30 feed.
2. Bringing me food and making sure I eat some of it.
3. Cleaning all of our bottles so I don’t have to do so.
4. Taking care of our laundry and sorting it into baby stuff and people stuff and helping me put away my laundry.
This is all doing me some good today. Last night, I slept a-okay for the first time since my parents showed up. That’s a good thing and I already feel better this morning. My MiL also reached out to me after returning home yesterday and told me that when she had my husband (her last baby), she struggled so much with depression, she was suicidal and could not dig out. She said therapy and meds (which she is still on) made life much better and she 100% supports me. She told me to call anytime and if we needed her to stay here for a few days, she would.
I’m doing okay today. I’m still not sure about how to bridge the gap with the relationships with my sister and mom who want to stay in my life but live far. My mom still lives with my dad and I don’t trust her not to share with my Dad. My husband and I blocked him on facebook. I’m hesitant to send my mom any updates on the baby or any pictures and now I’m afraid to post any photos of our daughter on FB (we don’t publicly share any photos of the older kids because their bio mom has agreed not to share nasty posts if we keep all kid stuff off FB) because my dad will see them through my mom and I feel like I’m enabling him to stay in our lives even if we don’t contact him. I’m even concerned to call my mom for fear she’s going to have to put me on speaker for him to hear.