“I watch a ton of porn. I’m not embarrassed to say that. After all, the best thing about porn is it shows you how sex is supposed to be done. Like, if I’d never seen any porn before, I totally would have never known that girls really love it when you sex on them like an enraged construction worker frantically drilling through concrete to reach a broken water main. Or that all women are attracted to facial hair that says, ‘Yes, I’ve tried meth and have a green belt in karate.’”

A photo posted by Millennials of New York (@millennials_of_newyork) on Sep 24, 2015 at 12:47pm PDT

“The best thing about this city is just how many different types of people live in it together. I don’t think you can find a more fabulous mixture of creeds and belief systems anywhere else on the planet. When I walk to the subway in the morning, I am cat-called by people of all races and nationalities. It’s truly beautiful.”

A photo posted by Millennials of New York (@millennials_of_newyork) on Sep 22, 2015 at 12:37pm PDT

“I hate being put in the friend zone. I like to think I’m a nice guy, but this one girl I know flat out refuses to be my girlfriend. It doesn’t make any sense. I hold doors for her like all of the time and I tell her she doesn’t look fat in dresses—which should at least make us ‘friends who hug sometimes.’ Plus, I send her feminist articles on Facebook to show her how much I care about equality, which any reasonable person would assume means I am entitled to some boob contact. I even listened to her being all sad about her grandfather dying for like a full 25 minutes last week. Still nothing. That’s got to at least be worth a hand job, right?”

A photo posted by Millennials of New York (@millennials_of_newyork) on Sep 15, 2015 at 11:45am PDT

“I have a lot of white friends. I like them, but they’re obsessed with trying to convince me that they aren’t racist. Last week one of them told me he couldn’t possibly be prejudiced because, as he put it, “I always tip delivery men and cab drivers.” Another one is constantly bringing up the time she hooked up with two Indian guys in the same night. According to someone else who was there, it was actually the same guy, just an hour apart. Apparently he wasn’t wearing a hat the second time. I need different friends.”

A photo posted by Millennials of New York (@millennials_of_newyork) on Aug 13, 2015 at 12:12pm PDT