I know it’s super common for one partner to have a higher sex drive than the other, so I know some or many of you probably have experienced this issue. What do you do?
I’m the partner with the higher sex drive. It’s not by a ton, I guess, but I’d prefer sex every day or at least 5-6 days a week, and he usually ends up around 3 days a week, 4-5 on a good week (where he’s not stressed). It seems like sex takes more out of him, physically, than it does out of me or previous partners I’ve had. He gets more tired after, and he seems more affected by stress and headaches and other pains. To my knowledge he doesn’t really masturbate since we got together. We’ve talked about it and tried different things, but nothing has really fixed the problem, so I think it’s here to stay. How do I adjust my attitude about this? Because honestly it’s not really okay with me, especially on nights I’m really wanting it and he can’t get in the mood even though he said he was good to try. (This is as far as I can tell not based on how I bring it up, because sometimes it’s fine and sometimes it’s not, but my reaction to it is usually to feel very emotional and rejected, and that’s I guess the part I need to do something about. I’m kind of angry about it tbh.) And especially, I guess how do I learn to masturbate? I hate it. Because of the way I was raised I have only done it a handful of times and there’s a lot of icky emotions around it and it’s just not sex. The very fact that I feel like I have to do it to be physically comfortable makes me feel so rejected and terrible that then I’m usually not emotionally in the mood to try.
I don’t know that I’m really looking for advice, exactly, we’ve talked to a therapist about this and tried a range of things that have not improved how often we have sex really but have improved how we talk about it. I just want to see how you guys handle this if it’s an issue for you, how you make it work in the long term. Because right now I try not to be, but I’m often kind of resentful about it, and I don’t think that’s a great long term strategy.