I can't handle any more ups and downs this week. Let's just keep it nice and stable tomorrow, please? This has been the craziest week for me. I was in a fantastic mood Tuesday after spending almost all of the 3 day weekend with MitsuBT (and saw F&F 6! and AD!). Then yesterday I was assaulted at work.

I was at a little hole in the wall, shady-ass shop. There were probably a dozen men there (maybe half of them were shop employees, the rest seemed to just be hanging out there). None of them spoke much English, and I was starting to get uncomfortable in the "I know they're talking about me" kind of way. At the end of my visit, as I'm leaving, I had to squeeze out of this small hall/driveway thing. There was a car parked in the middle of it, and on both sides at the exit, there were groups of these guys talking and laughing. So I go to squeeze my way out, and just about when I get to the point where I have enough room to walk straight, this guy reached out and grabbed my right boob. Hard. And he twisted it. Hard.

Instinct took over, I guess, because next thing I know, he's on the ground on his knees and I have him in a wrist lock (thank you lifetime of karate training and those years I taught women's self defense!). I was screaming in his face "WHY THE FUCK DID YOU THINK THAT WAS OKAY?" and stuff like that. I. Was. Panicking. The other guys were shouting at me in another language, I'm assuming to let him go, and I was in full alert panic run for my life mode. I took the papers that were in my left hand and threw them as hard as I could at the next closest guy, leaned in a bit to really wrench that fucker's wrist, and then bolted out of the shop. I could hear them all laughing as I ran.

I vaguely remember fumbling for my keys and spinning tires to get out of the driveway. I got a few blocks away and had to pull over because I was on the edge of a full blown panic attack.

I called our company's HR a little while later, and without giving too many details, asked what the protocol in a situation like that was. They asked if I called the cops, I said no. I wasn't about to stand around waiting for the police when I already felt my life could very well be in danger. They asked if it was a shop employee or a customer of my company, I said no. It seemed he was just hanging out at the shop. They said there wasn't anything they could do unless I called the cops and made a report, and even then, it seems like it's a "personal matter" and not a company one. WTF. To be fair, I was extremely vague on details, and didn't even identify myself to the HR rep.

I got madder and madder as the day went on, finally breaking down and telling MitsuBT what happened via text message. The first thing he asked is if I was okay. Then he offered to come over (and also to leave me alone if that's what I needed). So I went out to a bar with him and got super shitty drunk. On a work night. He ended up staying over and making sure I was okay. On a work night.

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The good news is that I found out that MitsuBT is really a caring, compassionate man. We had a long talk about feminism and sexual assault and rape culture and other serious things, and it eventually rolled into a talk about us and where we were in the relationship. We also talked about our futures, and I am kind of sad that it seems I'm only going to have a year with this guy until our lives become completely different.

So I got some answers and am very much not freaking out about our relationship now. So, I guess that's good. I also am glad for all y'all's advice about having that talk and not letting my silly friends convince me to pull away from this guy.

Anyway, today I was wrecked with worry that maybe I should have called the cops. Or something. I feel so weak and fearful. A majority of my day is spent in shops were I am often the only woman for what seems like miles. I could seriously be hurt, and there is no way to change that without changing jobs (anything else at this local office would be a pay cut that I cannot afford). I'm thinking about buying a taser or pepper spray. Actually, I don't even know if those are even legal here.

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What do I do you guys? I really don't want to get police involved, as I don't even know who this guy is, and I get a strong feeling that the shop would not cooperate with any type of investigation. It's probably too late for that already. I don't want to get my company involved because I don't want anyone to know about this. Ugh. I'm an idiot. I just want to pretend this never happened. Thanks for letting me vent. And extra thanks for any hugs/cute gifs you guys want to share.

Edit: Thanks for making me feel so badass, you guys. Here's a video of wrist lock techniques that are extremely easy, and quite painful for the person attacking you. When I taught self defense, this one of the best moves (IMO) to learn, because it's easy and something you can do quickly to put someone down on their knees or on the ground and get away. Just remember to get the elbow to a 90 degree angle! You guys have inspired me to get back into the sport, and maybe start volunteering to teach self defense again!