This may be offensive.

Whenever I find an article that complains about pregnancy or parenthood, invariably there are several comments that go along these lines:

“Just be thankful you can get pregnant/have children/adopt. Not everyone has that luxury some people never get to be parents.”

I totally understand how badly infertility can hurt and wanting a child so badly and not being able to have one. That is absolutely painful, and I feel for you. I was told that I would probably never be able to have children (and now my kidneys are going kaput a la Shelby in Steel Magnolias). I wish that people who desperately wanted to be parents and were ready to be parents were the people that always got to be parents. I was young and not in any place to think about trying for kids, but I still grieved over it from time to time.

I was just reading an article about a mom who’s child is transgender. She was being honest and real about her fears (not afraid of her child being transgendered, but how society might treat her child). Of course in the comments there are several women chastising the woman for expressing her concern because “at least you can have one.” Invariably any article I come across that shares some of the not so nice aspects of pregnancy, these comments are a dime a dozen.

This logic makes no sense to me. It’s like women in other areas of the world have their genitals mutilated, therefore gender inequality in the US doesn’t matter. Both suck and both affected parties should be able to express concerns without someone piping up “well, this party has it worse.” (And yes, I know people do try to use this to silence western feminists because “other women have it worse”).

Advertisement

So let’s agree that my pregnancy sucks and also your inability to conceive also sucks.