The lovely LaComtesse reminded me of this thought in this thread. I am an avid Dan Savage listener, and his term for couples that are allowed to have sexual encounters outside the relationship is "Monogamish."

I'm in a 4 year monogamous relationship and we are happy together. But right now, [sorry if TMI] my sex drive is pretty much zero because I am struggling with depression. It is super difficult for me to want to have sex with him, and if we get close, I get a lot of anxiety about it because the emotional bond is so intense - it seriously just makes me wig out. I'm seeing a therapist about myself, but in the meantime...

I don't want to deprive him of sex, and I also think casual sex might help me out. I have mentioned the idea that maybe we can have sex outside the relationship - and in theory, I think it's an awesome idea. But then we started discussing ground rules and I realized I might get super duper jealous.

I'm chicken, clearly.

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But I want the opportunity to "stray" myself - and THAT is unfair. I tend not to be jealous - but I feel like my love having sex with other women is sort of the exact reason someone MIGHT be jealous...

Does anyone have any advice for initiating this? Any good ground rules to start with? Did you experience any jealousy or shame or anything, and how did you deal with it?