You guys, my body is completely falling apart and I'm freaking out. First yesterday I have the "omg you're gonna have a stroke" level high BP, then the EKG shows troubling shit, and today I find out my sugars were so high they want to test me for diabetes.

Now I've been abusing my body pretty horribly the past few years or so, but really, WTF? My mom was very overweight her whole life and never had issues with either her heart OR diabetes, so it's not like it runs in the family or anything.

I'm feeling very discouraged. I feel like if I don't get my depression under control, I'll never be able to change my eating habits, but the health issues are making me feel even more depressed, and I'm on about as much medication as I can possibly take. I feel sort of hopeless. I need to find someone who specializes in both eating disorders and mood disorders, AND who takes my insurance, and I'm pretty sure that's a unicorn, right there.

I'm sorry for all the whining. Ugh.