I made this post for all the people I see on Groupthink and Jezebel who are always writing about the terrible shit they have to read on Facebook. I really do feel your pain.I know that you can't unfriend that moron who your dad works for who is always posting angry shit about 'false flags!!' and calling Obama a Nazi. I know you do your best to politely ignore it, but it pains me that you have to endure. So, I thought the next best thing would be to maybe offer you some motivational sayings that have really helped me in my life.

And trust me, we all have that terrible friend who posts those eye-roll inducing memes to Facebook, with pictures of a crying Jesus, stroking a kitten while staring out into a mountain sunset. They're always posting shit like 'I'M THANKFUL FOR THE THINGS I AM BLESSED WITH' or rambling about how finding strength through the whispers of their dreams makes them stronger and whatever nonsense they picked up during the last episode of Dr. Phil.

OK they're not really your friend. They're more like the weird co-worker you had to pity-friend because everyone else at your job did, and when you deny her friend request, she makes passive-aggressive, depressing comments about it in the break room: 'Oh I guess you don't want to be my friend, Burt. I must have said something you don't like. Well, gee, I'm really sorry but don't worry I'm not that you didn't accept my request.'

So you reluctantly add her only to find yourself bombarded with requests to play Kitchen Scramble and pleas to 'LIKE THIS IF YOU WISH EVERY DAY WAS CHRISTMAS.' She's the person who posts pictures of Marie Osmond and writes how she is 'crying because I admire her strength so much.' There is basically nothing you can do with them. You're stuck with this idiot until you hit the Lotto and can quit your job, and better yet, can unfriend all the annoying people you have to pretend to give a shit about.

Anyway, while you are stuck with them, here's a few REAL motivational memes to counteract the effect of a random Dave Ramsey quote. I hope these posters will give you a moment of peaceful reflection and quiet serenity away from all the bullshit.




For those of you wondering, yes I do offer my services as a motivational speaker. I will come to your business, school, church group, ladies lunch group and help motivate your group to give less of a fuck about things that are not Vodka or Vodka-related. Please email me for pricing and a schedule of when I will be sober enough to drive next month.

(Drink, Curse, Screw)