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I'm at Lena's. Her parents own this house, so as soon as we got in and I had my things settled, I had a talk with her mom. I can stay here until they (her parents) are back from vacation on October 25th. I'm very glad I can stay here until then, but I could feel my face fall because our original discussion was that I might be able to stay here until the semester ends in December. I feel a bit like an asshole and that I might have seemed ungrateful. Lena's assuring me that's not the case.

This year has been pretty fucking awful. I just want some kind of a break, some sense of a light at the end of the tunnel. I had a town home with two roommates earlier in the year, I had to dissolve the lease after 4 months there when they both got fired from their jobs for separate cases of negligence, and couldn't pay. I couch surfed until August when I moved in with my aunt, who turned out to be an abusive alcoholic, and now I get to see why I haven't had a relationship with this side of the family for my entire life. I've had my heart broken twice in six months, once from a guy who wasn't ready to commit, once from someone who manipulated the hell out of me to get what he wanted because he likely picked up on the fact that I'm a doormat/people pleaser, AND was doing the same thing to a much younger friend of mine. I left a job to escape a boss who had me by the throat, cut my pay for no documented reason, and threatened me every other day if I didn't take on more and more responsibility. I finally got the hint after I threw my shoulder out from all the stress at the ripe age of 25.


I want this year to end. I'm so sick of being kicked every time I fall down. I know I'm throwing a fucking pity party for myself right now, but I'm so sick of what seems like and endless string of blows right to the gut. I just want some peace in my life, for the first time in my life.

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