Your Mrs Finch may be crapped up, but she is surprisingly in tune with her body, even when she doesn’t treat it very well. If I have a toothache or sense something strange going on in the tooth department, the dentist will confirm that I have a problem and identified it correctly. I don’t always know quite what is wrong, but when something is wrong I know it and (most of the time) I move on it.
Today I went to the eye clinic, because my vision has been deteriorating at a pace that I find unsettling. Yes, I am 50; yes, I have a well-documented family history of poor vision (any family picture taken of the Pa Finch clan reveals a bunch of beaming people and the camera flash bouncing off a veritable sea of spectacles; yes, I know the laser surgery only takes you so far. Losing my distance vision was predictable, and I assumed it was age that was causing me to lose my close-up vision, but the thing is, it’s moving so fast. Things I didn’t need my glasses for a month ago are now things that require glasses. I’m night-blind. I rely on my sense of touch to put in my earrings, as I haven’t seen the actual piercing holes in years. And now I seem to need glasses to use my computer, which I didn’t need to do only last month. So I called the clinic and went in this morning. And guess what? There has been a change in my lenses: something’s brewing. And that something appears to be CATARACTS.
I know they can fix them. I know the surgery is not a complicated one. I have to go back in a few months to see what they look like then. But what is fussing me greatly, along with the fact that I feel I am way too young to have cataracts, is the knowledge that now I’m just going to get blinder and blinder as the cataracts mature, and the eyestrain will give me headaches, and I’m going to have more trouble reading (which is a problem given that essentially I read for a living) and I will just get older and more decrepit with every passing day.
And regrettably having fibro means that whenever I have to cope with something unexpected and/or concerning I have a fibro flare, which is why I went directly home from the eye dr and went to bed, in pain, with a couple of pillows shoved under my knees (fortunately this is my day off). I haven’t put away my laundry (or completed it). I haven’t done any housework. There’s no food in the house. I’m in the middle of a massive sulk/pity party, and I just really needed to vent, so I thank everyone who took the time to read this. Now I have taken a pain pill and am going back to bed because my knees still hurt, and I hope that after a nap I will wake up rather less sulky and become a worthwhile contributing member of this online community. But right now I am OMG WTF NO BLEARGH POOR ME BLAH BLAH.