So I just got cast in another commercial, which is fucking awesome. However, it only mildly alleviated my feeling like the scum of the earth. Here's how my brain processed my latest win (TW):
1) Wooo, job! This is the second commercial in the past 30 days! Add this to all the writing you've been doing and the new friends you've made and you're doing awesome, Korra. Keep up the good work! I'm proud of you.
2)Something's not right. The shine's worn off and you still feel a bit empty, don't you? That's ok. It'll get better, just concentrate on all the good things you have going for you....
3)....uhhhh....good things.....think of good things about yourself!....no, not bad things, Korra. Good things!
3) What? You can't remember any good things? Stop acting like a privileged sack of shit, Korra. People would kill for the opportunities you have, so don't fuck up your future with this stupid-ass depression shit. God, you disgust me.
4)Stop picking on Korra, Korra! You're being mean and this is why she has so many problems in the first place. God, you're a sack of shit for beating her up about being depressed. You disgust me.
5)Ok. Let's just all agree that Korra feels like shit right now but at least she's a piece of shit with a photogenic face who is trying hard. Not that it matters because she's systematically disadvantaged and on top of that is a lazy goodfornothing and nobody will ever love her so she will die alone. But yeah. She's pretty for a crazy, fat, brown girl, I guess.
6) wash, rinse, repeat.
7) I'm going to talk to GT about this. GT is a nice place where I can vent and no one minds.
8)OMG, sorry, I'm using this space to vent way too much. I want to write fun mishaps and stories and articles and such, but it's kind of hard to see things in a funny light when you're angry and sad almost all the time. If you read all the way to the end, thanks for putting up with that.
9) I'm going to stop talking now.