I've been in pain since Tuesday morning, when I woke up with intestinal pain at a 7 on the pain scale and camped out in the bathroom sobbing for a while. I spent most of the day between 3 and 4, then had an allergy attack at my user group meeting. It was ok for a while on Wednesday; I planned the day around getting to the meetup. I was careful and I took extra meds and it wasn't too bad. Wednesday night after I got home, myalgia kicked in, starting in my upper arms, and my face had an eczema flare up. The myalgia is allergy based, which is not normal but welcome to my immune system. I've already taken my last vicodin. I've been out for a month. I don't have drugs for the myalgia because that would require health insurance. I really need to get on Healthy SF so I can get some treatment.

I'm exhausted.

I could walk into a doctor's office and get vicodin. I have a kidney stone again. I might have passed it tonight. I hit an 8 on the pain scale for about 10 minutes. I'm sure a urinalysis would cause a stone diagnosis. I don't have money to see a doctor and have a urinalysis. There's a clinic that I could walk into and walk out on Health SF with prescriptions, all for free— everything but pain meds. Of course, I'd have to stand in line for 2 hours and then wait there for 6. Hooray for US health care.

Yesterday afternoon, the pain in my upper arms spread to my forearms. Then arthritis flared up in my toes. By evening the myalgia affected all of my arms and legs and the arthritis affected my toes and fingers. When the myalgia spread to my back and lower neck, I got drunk.

The problem with getting drunk is that it's bad in the long run. Alcohol counteracts antihistamines. I have to take extra ones if I drink and I'm supposed to avoid alcohol when I'm having an allergy problem because it makes it worse in the long run. But my arms and legs were running between 4 and 5 on the pain scale and my back and neck were running 2-3. I gave up. I couldn't take it anymore. My spirit animal isn't as awesome as Burt Reynolds.

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The arthritis in my toes is gone. My arm muscles feel like they are being digested. I can barely lift them. It hurts to type. I'm leaning towards alcohol again. I'm tired of being in pain. Pain is exhausting physically and emotionally.

No one knows why my allergies are so bad but the way that they've progressed, I've been warned that I will eventually be allergic to every antihistamine currently made (Claritin and Zyrtec so far). We actually plan my antihistamines around prolonging that for emergency meds like Benadryl. I've been warned that the number of food allergies that I have will continually increase. I feel like it's a matter of time before I have a feeding tube installed and I'm locked in my house sucking down steroids and growing a lady goatee.

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I suspect Mastocytosis. I can only say that because saying it can no longer be used against me by a health insurer. Thanks Obama. Of 8 treatment options listed there (one is emergency only), 5 concurrent treatments has never been enough. Only steroids have made me better. I can't get a mast cell stabilizer without a diagnosis. The diagnosis would require a biopsy and there we go back to not having health insurance.

This is one of those days where I just want someone to take care of me, just for a little while. Cute Boy Person is still out of town. I could have driven down to my ex's if I knew that it was going to get this bad, but I didn't. Now I can't drive an hour in a standard to get there. It took me almost 4 hours to type this. It's getting harder to lift my arms, harder to move my fingers, harder to move or hold up my head. I've had 4 of the 8 treatments plus tylenol today. The crying is causing streaks of increased eczema on my cheeks and my throat is swelling again. I'm going to have to go with liquor and laying down and when I do, I risk relapsing tomorrow at the concert, a 30 minute drive from my house. I didn't have the strength today to stand to take a shower. Again.

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I can't even bring myself to eat a hypoallergenic cookie. I already feel like throwing up. It's not even hypoallergenic; it's just close enough. I'd threaten to whack the next person who lectures me about my diet with a bottle of 151 but I need the 151 and man, that would take a lot of spoons.