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My Body is Used Up Garbage

I worked out today for the first time in a long time. A buddy of mine that teaches martial arts at a dojo invited me to work out with him tonight, I think because he thinks I've been withdrawn lately since my ex and I broke up. He's probably right but I'm not depressed or anything. Anyway, it did not go well.

The first thing we did was burpees, and it was clear right away that I'm not as strong as I used to be. I was surprised to find that my arms were not strong enough for me to jump directly to the ground without them crumpling and hitting the floor with my face. Four months ago I could do 100 push ups in a row, god damn it. I flopped through them as best I could.


Next up was this ladder thing where I had to hop scotch and shit through the rungs, and that's how I learned how uncoordinated I am now. You should have seen me back in my DDR glory days, my foot placement was laser accurate. Now I bounce around like I'm drunk and trying to dance.

Then some push ups and sit ups, where I learned my gut has become a sit up issue, and I can only do 30 push ups now in a row.

Then he brought out the kettle bells. When I die and go to Hell, the devil will be waiting there with a kettle bell to hand cuff to my wrist.

There were some other things after that, but I basically blacked out and went to a peaceful place in my mind until the horror of it all was over.


At the end I was lying on the mat, trying not to fall asleep. I used to be an athlete! What the fuck happened? I used to see my body as a Jeep, rugged and off road. Now my body has become a Yugo on four spare tires. I felt like the Rock Biter in Never Ending Story, staring at his hands, "They look like big, good, strong hands. That's what I always thought they were..."


I made my way home, and I'm positive I won't be able to lift my arms tomorrow, but I feel really fucking good. My roommates were being adorable and dancing in the living room and singing Beyonce. They have the coolest accents when they get drunk and start talking naturally. All in all, it was a great night. Working out again is going to be an ordeal, but it would be cool to be strong again.

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