Ms. Mercedes has asked for her monthly update chronicling her progress be shared to GT, and I am more than happy to oblige. Have a great weekend, Mercedes!
As is the new normal for me, I like to blog about my journey to transition from male to female. Some of it is for fun, some of it is to document the speed of progress, and some of it is to keep you lovely people in the loop. :)
So without further delay, here's what happened over the past thirty days!
Well, I finally got my prescription for Hormone Replacement Therapy! My first day of HRT was February 10th. Because I screwed up on my blood tests (4,000 mg of cinnamon apparently puts your liver into action), I had to take injections for 3 weeks. I hated the injections. Not only was the dosage tiny, but my muscles were sore and I had nightmares about injecting myself.
I'm now on pill form, and I love it so much. Not only am I actually feeling it now, but the daily pill is so much easier than a 1.5" needle every week. And no pain...Oh, and my insurance covers the pills, so an absurdly low cost too (a soft drink from McD's costs more than a month of hormones).
While I was on the injections, I'd feel an elevated sense of emotion on the first day, then it would taper off as the week went on. On the pills, the effects are felt all the time. I welcome it. My breasts are becoming tender, and I can see some bud development (guess the injections were doing something after all).
With the pills, my emotions are cranked up to 11 ALL THE TIME. I'm not just happy, I'm dancing around like a teen high on caffeine. I'm not just sad, I'm crying for the entire day (I haven't cried in at least 7 months). I finally have them under control. But I adore actually being able to indulge in my feelings and emotions. They're definitely more of a full body experience, than just a state of mind.
I'm trying out a new, longer hairstyle. I like longer hair, but I'm not sure if I'm in love with THAT long hair (pictured below). Seems for now, my shorter hair looks more real and fits me better.
I met Tanner Foust (of Top Gear USA and skilled at driving mostly anything) at the Chicago Auto Show. They say never to meet your heroes, so I must be lucking out. He's a really awesome guy! Having met Adam Ferrara last year, I now just need to meet Rutledge Wood to say I've met all of the Top Gear USA presenters.
(Photo Credit: Cajun Ginger! :D)
After three months, the chemical burn on my neck from the generic Nair has finally healed. Lesson learned, don't fxxk with chemicals in places where they don't belong. Now time to remove the scars.
A classmate didn't believe me when I said I didn't start life as a woman (he was wondering why I was talking about getting Estrogen, when I should already have it anyway). I knew I could pass as a woman, but not that well! :D
Also, he had to see me when I used to come into class as a guy...Maybe I was an anonymous-looking guy. lol
As an interesting test, I went to my favourite diecast car dealer as a guy and as a girl. I asked for the same car in both cases (the Autoart Porsche Carrera GT is worth $130 new in box). As a guy, he quoted me $80. As a girl? Just $60. Hmmm...
Life at Home
And now, for the most important bit.
I've been getting into weekly "conversations" with my mom. Instead, they end up being my mom saying very hurtful things ("you'll never be a woman", "you look ugly", etc) as well as very stupid things ("I know you're going to commit suicide if it doesn't go your way"...like seriously? WTF mom?). At the same time, she acts like she knows more than a Psychologist because she knows the Bible well...And the Bible is the only Science you need. And because the Bible says it's sinful, I'm mentally ill with something the devil implanted in me. She has tried several times to set me up with a Mormon Bishop and a Christian therapist to try to convert me. I told the latter to sod off. Her damned Bible is clouding her judgment and making her say some delusional things. It's also driving me away from her. Put that book down and love me for who I am, because I can just as easily live my life without you.
With her trying to do all that crap, I told her I'm moving out as soon as possible. With my emotions now cranked up, I just cannot take this crap anymore. I'm going to end up saying something I'll regret.
Last night, she really took me on a feel trip. She said "I thought you were the smart one. When you were a I used to brag about you to everyone. You had your head on right. You were going to be a doctor and everything. You were so intelligent. You always had the right decisions and always did everything right. Now, you're making a lot of stupid choices and you're irresponsible. I'm so disappointed in you."
At which point, I let out a big hearty laugh. As a kid, I only did things to please others, not myself. I didn't have many friends, so I stayed home all the time and never had any fun (I was also constantly bullied and depressed, but never told anyone). I only wanted to be a doctor because that's what she wanted me to be. I was her perfect child because I was pretending to be someone I was not.
Going into adulthood taught me to follow my dreams, and not to live a life serving others to make them happy.
Anyway, tonight will be the first night she sees me as my true self. I'm not hiding anymore.
I hope the mom situation gets better, but with each passing day, it only gets worse. I've stopped caring, really. I don't need anyone's approval. My dad has tried to get her to come to a therapy session (he goes to therapy because of her), but unless said therapist only answers to her lord and savior, she isn't going. Whatever.
I hope to move out this month and finally start out my life how I want it to be.
Other than that, it's March, so there really isn't anything planned. Let's see what happens!!!
P.S. I'd love it if one of my GroupThink friends shared this to GT. :D
Got this text, I'm actually kinda scared.