In which I just wanted to pay my grocery bill but instead was framed for murder.

I had a bill at a grocery store, because ???, and I couldn’t figure out how to pay it online, so i just went into the store. The cashier led me upstairs, where I assumed an office would be, but instead it was an apartment room furnished with only one wraparound couch and a wicker stool. A bald man with glasses was doing paperwork in the middle of the floor, and he got very passionate about me knowing that I would never find him downstairs in a painted room. I considered telling him that this room is painted as well but decided he was a little unstable so I should keep it to myself.

We moved to the couch and I tried to direct him to the idea of paying my bill but he was just speaking nonsense so instead I squee’d at some cute sleeping dogs. His assistant came in, gave him a thumbs up, and left. Then he transformed into a pretty woman who jumped over, knocked me off the couch and onto the floor, and said “let’s cut to the chase. You, me, sex, bill is paid. I saw the way you smiled at my toes.” I was like NO I JUST WANT TO PAY MY BILL. WITH MONEY. PLEASE. AND I WAS SMILING AT THE DOGS. Her toenails were done nicely though. She got mad and stormed out.

Advertisement

At which point 3 ninja assassins came to murder her. One put a sword through her heart, and then the other two dropped their sword and left. Blood everywhere. The bald man, who had now become the assisstant character in my mind, screamed at me that we had to take the swords and go otherwise we’d be suspected for the crime. I cried, tried not to get blood on me, and kept talking about how I just wanted to pay my bill and wtf.

Then my alarm went off.