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A couple of years ago I fell in love with a guy who was living out a very protracted adolescence. We were living in a college town and I had to leave in order to find a job. We visited each other some and then amicably broke up because he wasn't ready to move for me. Then I dated someone else for a year, quite seriously, and when we broke up, I visited my ex/other friends in the former town. In the next few weeks we tangled a little bit and then he started visiting over New Year's.

I don't want to be a fool. I've posted about this and gotten very smart responses, mainly that people will often change for only long enough to get what they want. This appears right now to be a big, big change. He has visited three times, including one week when he drove down and arranged to telecommute to work. I felt comfortable being bored and doing workweek evening stuff - TV, groceries, occasionally going into another room to read by myself.

In addition, I think I have grown up a lot. Before I turned 30 I was all MARRIAGE BABIES HELP I DON'T WANT TO BE ALONE. Then I dumped my last boyfriend because I recognized not being alone was no longer a legit motivator to stay in a relationship. Now I enjoy time alone and am not sure about a family, only about wanting to write a mystery series, which my ex fully supports.


Yesterday his phone, which was obnoxiously, hilariously dysfunctional already, dropped out of his pocket and the screen shattered. He immediately emailed me and said "Hey, my phone broke, call [mutual friend] to get me if there's an emergency." One of his first thoughts was to make sure I could get in touch with him if something happened. I think that shows maturity and responsibility and it made me feel secure.

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