I have felt that my ex's girlfriend might have some weird issue with my 11 year old daughter for a while now. My daughter has shared little things that the GF (his girlfriend) has said to her that seemed sort of unnecessary, but since I wasn't there to see the context and the remarks weren't blatantly cutting, I just sort of dismissed it and tried not to worry about it.
The shit hits the fan this week, and I find out that she might indeed have some sort of weird issue with my daughter.
I found out that, one evening at dinner at the ex's house, my daughter said something about a persistent fly buzzing around the dinner table annoying her. The GF said, "Did you know every time a fly lands, it poops?" Daughter was gleefully horrified, as any 11-year old would be, and commented just as her father entered the room. He promptly got on to her for talking about fly poop at the table. GF remained silent and let ex send our daughter to her room for talking about a topic that GF brought up.
Most recently, GF went to the ex and told him that she caught our daughter "peeping" on her daughter and friend taking a shower (when in fact, she did not: our daughter was sitting in the bathroom with the two younger girls while they played with barbies in the tub, and they were wearing bathing suits, facts later confirmed by GF's changing story). This triggered the ex, who was molested as a child and holds very strict and particular notions about touch and nudity. Neither he or the girlfriend discussed it with my daughter, though, nor did they say anything to me at that time.
The next day, after I picked the children up, he called me to tell me he was going to drop a bomb on me: our daughter "...is behaving like a pedophile", and asked me to talk to her about it. I took that very seriously and spoke with my daughter, finding out everything I could about her side of the story. Then I tried to speak with him to find out what his girlfriend actually saw, and he blew me off for two days before getting back with me. He repeatedly asked me what the big deal was, and why I was making the situation so much worse by asking so many questions about it. Um, because you referred to our child as a pedophile!?! GF's story changes suddenly, meshing with what our daughter said, and I realize: GF lied. She lied to him about what she saw, and the only reason she would do that is...to get my daughter in trouble? To somehow undermine her in the eyes of her father?
I saw my therapist yesterday and she couldn't make any sense of it, either. She was completely taken aback by a grown woman who would lie to get a child in trouble. We have a vague plan that might help in the long term, if the ex agrees to it, but in the meantime, the idea of Daughter going back to that house to live with a woman who is kind of...out to get her, for lack of a better way to say it - makes me feel sick.
Daughter was upset when all these concerns were first raised, but she is feeling better now. She says that she is OK with going back over there, so I guess I have no choice but to be OK with it. I just wish there was a way to make certain something like this doesn't happen again. I know there isn't, but damn if I don't wish there was. Being 11 is hard enough, no one needs extra bullshit heaped on top of it. :(