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My FiL and his bright idea

I find it difficult to like my FiL. Mostly because he a xenophobic, homophobic, sexist, manipulative, climate change denying (and any other scientific finding that he doesn't agree with) old coot. (Oh and for the Canadians in the audience, he's that rare breed known as a Reform Party Conservative from Ontario.). He hasn't really spoken to his own daughter since she was 12 years old, because he thought she was rude to him and decided he wouldn't speak to her again until she apologized. He treated my MiL terribly: she was responsible for everything around the house, while he spent his free time playing video games. If he didn't like what she cooked, he would throw the plate on the floor. But when my MiL left him, according to him, it was all their daughter's fault for infecting her mother with her feminist ideas.

At this point, my FiL and Mr. I's sister can be in the same room, and have small talk, but she says that he is her father in name only. He is allowed to his two granddaughters, but only does so when my MiL brings them over. He whines to us about never seeing them, but despite being told that he can take them on his own, he won't unless take the girls anywhere unless my MiL is there, mostly because he is trying to get her back. It's probably just as well, because he really doesn't understand the girls; at his 65th birthday, the older girl spent quite a long time talking to a family friend, which shocked him, because he barely talks to him. IDK, maybe she spoke so long to the family friend, because the family friend made an effort to talk to an 11 year old about things she was interested in? (He's expressed disappointment that his 11 and 8 year old granddaughters aren't interested in going to an exhibit on Ancient Mesopotamia at the ROM for example. This seems to be the extent of his ideas for things to do with them.)

He has a girlfriend, but she's at least 10 years younger than him, and lives in another town an hour away. Recently he was whining to us that she is a terrible girlfriend, because she never comes to see him. She works full time, and he turned 65 and retired in June. I don't know, maybe he could go and see her?


Despite all this, Mr. Ivriniel is the dutiful first born son. (From what he tells me, and the rest of the family tells me, Mr. I has blocked out a lot of what went on in his childhood.). So I tolerate my FiL, and bite my tongue a lot.

Well for years he has had his own business. From what Mr. I tells me, he has never really made a go of it. Apparently at one point, just before my MiL divorced him, things were going fairly well, but after that, he just stopped trying. Apparently he's making $20k a year. The only reason he owns his own home is that when he got married his parents outright bought the house for him when he got married.

So now, with Mr Ivriniel currently at loose ends with his employment, and my FiL wrapping up his business, my FiL called yesterday with the bright idea that Mr. Ivriniel take over his business for him. They both work in IT in a similar area.

I am terrified of this. Part of the reason my FiL made so little in his business is that he just sort of drifted, and Mr. I could definitely do better, but he'd be without benefits. Also, we've been trying to get pregnant, and I'd rather not deal with the uncertainties of a tech startup in that situation. And for all my FiL calls it taking over the business, it would be a tech start up, as he has so few clients and makes so little.


Other things that worry me: Mr. I was rejected for independent life insurance (hypertensive, and on the low end of obese, with a family history of cancer at a relatively young age). and was advised not to work anywhere where life insurance was not part of his benefits by our broker. Also, I strongly suspect that Mr. I is ADHD, and organization is not his strong suit.

Mr. I. did get access to a career counsellor through an outplacement agency as part of his severance, and I know he has been discussing the possibility of becoming an independent contractor with him. I also think before he makes any decision like that that he needs to talk to his financial planner.


So my FiL also wants to come over tomorrow to hang out. Beyond the fact the house is still in a shambles from GISHWHES, I am not thrilled, since I figure this is a another chance for my FiL to try and pressure Mr. I into saying yes. The only other times he has ever been to our house in the two years since we bought it, was once for our housewarming, once to drop a bunch of random crap off that he decided was Mr. I's, and last Father's Day when we invited him over.

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