Therapy appointment was about an hour ago! (not literally first, I had 2 about 13 years ago) I feel it was a good one, more after the jump.
It was mostly getting to know one another but I felt like he took me seriously and listened very well. The amount of appointments will be limited but he feels there are some things he can help me with in the time we have.
I explained to him that my current mood level on average lies right below average (if we define average as content) so although there are times when I'm happy, I really am not content on average with myself and my life. I often feel a bit in my stomach and it's got to go lest I end up where I was 10 years ago.
We also talked quite a bit about my relationship. He got the sense that I felt like I was taking more steps in bf's direction and adjusting myself to fit him/his views of a relationship. Meanwhile I also value certain things in the relationship and I feel those aren't met. Even when I ask for them. I have to decide where the line is for me and if I'm getting enough out of the relationship for what I put in. He didn't get mean about bf which I like, he just approached it from a 'you both seem to have different ideas about what the relationship should be, you should decide what is important for you'. He is going to try to help me with feeling stronger and feel better about myself. So that I'd be able to mentally back myself up if I disagree with bf about things and not doubt myself quite as much. So that I can also, when I feel comfortable about it, talk to bf about what I feel like I need and then we can decide together whether we can get there together or not.
Next time we'll be working with behaviour/thought sheets in which we'll go into depth into certain situations where I get into a negative spiral and work on how I can change that again. Then with the right tools I might be able to change my behaviour and thought pattern to be more positive and self-assured.
I'm very glad I went, I felt very listened to. Not criticised, broken or looked down upon but validated and like I made the right decision to take steps to stop my own negativity with some help.
Thank you guys for the support in my decision to go/with my troubles with bf. I really do feel like this was the right thing for me to do, like many of you suggested :)
TLDR : Went to therapy, it went well, thanks GT.