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My Fish Are Dead and There's Someone I think I Can Tell

TW (Suicidal ideation and depression). I've been feeling really shitty lately and I know I should talk to someone. I've made some new friends over the last 6 months and one of them in particular I feel would be someone safe to talk to about my depression and current troubles. But I haven't known him for that long...

So I've recently made a bunch of new friends over the last few months via a shared activity (social dancing). It's wonderful and most people involved are genuinely nice, caring, and interested in forming community. We all hang out together regularly outside of dancing and there's a small group of 6 of us who've become really close. We started out as a threesome (myself and Mr AwkwardButLovable and his girlfriend Ms Sexologist) , then added another couple (Mr BelgianChemist and Ms SweetButSecretlyTough), and I was the constant 5th (but happy) wheel. Then randomly one day while we were attending a local festival, Mr Nerd (guy in question) whom we all knew peripherally from classes and some social dances had come out to the event by himself. The 5 of us were going to grab some food, so we naturally invited him along.


And man did it ever click! He just fit so nicely within the group. And I think him and one of the other guys, Mr AwkwardButLovable, are dude-soulmates they get along so well. The 5 of us had been discussing taking some private dance classes together and our teacher suggested someone else to round out our 5 to 6, and me and Mr AwkwardButLovable both blurted out "NO! It has to be Mr Nerd!"

Mr Nerd is a kind, very intellectual, quietly awkward type. He reminds me of my best friend (who lives far away) in that they believe they are terrible at dealing with feelings and emotional stuff because they don't express the strong and difficult ones very often, due to being introverted and quiet. But this quality makes them sometimes the BEST people to talk to about the super hard scary stuff, because they don't react, they just sit there taking it all in and *don't make you deal with their feelings*. It's sometimes exactly what you need. You just need someone to be there with you and witness the shitty feelings and that's exactly what these types of friends give you. Someone who knows and won't freak out (well, they probably ARE freaking out, but they do it on the inside).

So lately, I've been feeling really really bad, like suicidal ideation bad, and my instinct keeps telling me to text him and ask him for help by just coming over for coffee and chatting. But would that be super weird since we haven't known each other that long (6 months ish)? How would you feel if someone did that with you? Would it help if I quantified it with "you remind me of friends that deal with this type of stuff in the best way and I feel safe talking to you"?

I know I need to talk to someone because it's starting to get out of control and I don't want to do something stupid and reckless (which I have in the past). And the first step is usually being really honest with someone. I can't afford a therapist right now and my psychiatrist is on vacation (plus, he just prescribes meds which I don't think a tweak will help in this situation, that's just my gut feeling).


What to do, what to do? You're always so helpful groupthink.

Here's a cute cat and duck picture to lighten the mood:

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