For those who don't know this is DyloniusFunk, on a Google account so I can post on my work PC. I have posted articles on faith and religious topics before on that account. Please no main page.
If you've read my other posts on the subject you know I am a Christian. I believe that there is a higher power and that what I have has been given to me by that higher power. I don't support a lot of what the church has done and continues to do, but I still pray and have faith that God has a plan for me and those I love. But these last couple of months has made me wonder if God even listens to me. Because believe it or not I'm feeling more blessed and it's kind of annoying me.
My fiancé lost her job and has been unable to find any work for the last two months. She has been on several interviews for various jobs, including one that would be her dream job. She hasn't heard back from any of them. She is understood upset, and getting stressed out. She moved in with her mother to save money and I think they're starting to see a lot more of each other than they planned to. And she's planning the wedding in October. I've tried to help out with the budget for the wedding but things like her upcoming dress payment are starting to stress her out. But it's more than that. She worked at the child care center she was at for several years. She was good at what she did and she loved her kids. She's also had a lot more faith in God than me. Growing up it was just her and her mom and they didn't have a lot but they always managed to get by with what they did. But she kept her faith that they would get by.
I have not always had the strongest faith. I went to church all the time as a kid with my parents, did Sunday school, the whole nine yards. Over time, I saw my favorite relatives die and my least favorite hang on. When my father passed away in 2005 from complications caused by a spinal cord injury, I almost gave up entirely. But time passed and I realized that my father would not want to live in grief and anger and overtime I began to open my mind and heart to God again. I got my bachelor degree, moved from Maine to Oklahoma and began a new life for myself. I started to feel like I was where I was meant to be and that has led to my meeting EllaFunksGerald, my fiancé. In fact I feel like I might be overly blessed.
For the last few weeks I have tried asking God for one simple thing; whatever blessings are planned for me, give them to her instead. Help her get back to work, so she can be happy again. Right now I can't do anything for her and its so frustrating. I can listen and empathize because I to was let go of a job and I understand the frustration of job searching. So what I've done is ask for my blessings to go to her. That's all I want. I make enough money to get by. I am relatively healthy and very happy. So I don't need more.
Today I found out we're getting a 6% raise. It felt almost like a slap in the face. I know you might be reading thing and thinking I'm crazy for saying that. If you do, then you haven't read what I wrote. I DON'T want that. I never asked for it. Could I use it? Of course. But I didn't want more; I wanted whatever I had coming to go to her. That would have made me happier, giving her a job instead of me more money
So now, I feel very frustrated. It's like God heard my prayer and gave me the exact opposite of what I want, even though what I asked for was for someone else to be blessed. Now I thought the basis of Christianity was to care for your brother and sister and to be there with others. But when you ask for something for someone else and you get more than you want, it makes you wonder if the message is clearly being received.