My click-baity headline is not an exaggeration. After the emotional mindfuck of the past 14 hours, I cannot believe that is what it came down to.

  • I get a text around 6:15 last night: “Ugh, got pulled over 2 blocks from the house because of a tail light.” I ask if he’s coming home now. “No, sitting here foreverrrrr.”
  • Text for an update about 30 minutes later, don’t get one. Wait another 30 minutes, feel weird, go looking for him around the house. Find his car, no one in it or near it or anything.
  • I assume he’s been arrested for some reason because what else? I start calling his phone, assuming he can’t answer (which he doesn’t for a while), but I just kept calling to hopefully annoy whoever was in charge into letting him pick up. It totally worked (they had not given him his phonecall yet and weren’t going to for a few hours).
  • He says, “I don’t know why, but I am in lockup, call Business Partner.” I don’t know why he wants me to call Business Partner until I do it, and he’s like, “oh yeah, don’t worry HML, I got this. Go have a drink.”
  • Soothed me a little bit, but I felt helpless. I didn’t even know where he was being held. My friend took me out for ice cream and then blocked me from view of this group of people that I see everywhere that are too happy and too invite-y who I knew I couldn’t handle just then. Good friend, she is.
  • Business Partner’s lawyer tries to get a judge to let him out, they won’t allow it and also won’t indicate why he’s in there. There is no bail to be posted, because we also tried to do that. They either wouldn’t accept it or wouldn’t process it or something I suspect is not legal.
  • This morning, around 7am, he calls me, and asks me to bring him a change of clothes because he’s going straight into traffic court. Why? Well, he’d been driving on a suspended license, but got the notification literally yesterday (he has the certified mail, signed and dated, to prove it).
  • I ask why his license is suspended. He had no idea. He thought he’d paid all tickets received. Waits around a while.

Just texted me that he’d had an outstanding balance of ONE FUCKING DOLLAR on a ticket.