Seriously. We have officially reached soap opera proportions. Y’all won’t believe this one...

So, went in 2 nights ago to the ER for a migraine. Got an IV in my left arm for the migraine meds and bag of fluid. Bled all over the damn place when the nurse stuck me. Like, enough that he was doing that concerned-and-trying-not-to-show-it face. Got that settled down, taped up, whatever. Ok. Meds kicked in, migraine died down, went home, slept it off.

Saturday, my arm is sore, I’ve got a fantastic bruise from both the IV stick and all the tape. Yes, I bruised from them pulling the tape off. NBD, it happens. I bruise like a ripe peach, anyway.

Sunday (aka today, since I haven’t slept yet), my arm is REALLY sore. I’m trying not to use it too much, but didn’t really think about it... until I went to go soak in the tub. I’m futzing around in the bathroom, waiting for the tub to fill, and I happen to get a good look at my arm in the mirror. Whoa. Why is there a red line leading straight up my arm from the IV wound?

Yep, there is a hot, red, swollen, hard line leading about 6 inches up my arm from the crook of my elbow. Mind you, this is the same arm I still have nerve damage in from getting a staph infection when I was in the hospital for the ear infection that nearly killed me back last October. I’m a little paranoid sometimes, but this does not look good.

I called my sister, and asked her to bring me in to the ER (Husband was still at work, and Other-Husband was already asleep because HE has a migraine). We go in, and the same nurse I had 2 nights ago comes out to get me. We chat, she does my vitals, all that stuff. She agrees that this does not look like a good thing.

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The Dr finally comes in, and it’s the same doctor that admitted me for the ear infection last October! (Maybe not weird for some people, but our ER tends to have a pretty high turnover.) He has a nifty little portable ultrasound machine with him, and lo and behold! I not only have a staph infection, I ALSO HAVE A GODDAMN BLOOD CLOT. A BLOOD CLOT THAT GOES THE FULL LENGTH OF THE NOW NEARLY 8 INCH LINE UP MY ARM. He tells me that maybe 1 in 100 people have one or the other problem, but he’s almost never seen someone with both

I need to go play the lottery, I swear.

Of course, I’m allergic to the main class of antibiotics they use to treat the staph AND the aspirin he gives me for the blood clot is guaranteed to kill my stomach, but what am I gonna do? I’ll take the aspirin and live on Tums for the next month. I’m hoping that this other antibiotic doesn’t have any sneaky little surprises waiting for me (this was how I found out I’m allergic to the other ones last year.)

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So, TL;DR version: I can’t fucking win for losing these days. It’s almost funny. I’d write a book about my life, but I’m pretty sure they’d shelve it under fiction.