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my little temper tantrum

I have a confession: last night I kinda threw a temper tantrum.

My boyfriend hasn't finished school. He got frustrated and quit after his first year, partially because his high school education was inadequate to prepare him for college and partially because he tested poorly on the entrance exam and ended up taking classes that were too easy and he was bored. I've been encouraging him to go back to school, and I plan to help him get his study skills and knowledge up to where he's not bored or frustrated with school.

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Well, last night was study session #1. I found out exactly how inadequate his high school education was, and I also realized that, while he's committed to finishing college in order to be successful and get a job that isn't so physically taxing, he does not have nearly the passion that I do for learning. Which, why would that be surprising? I don't think I know too many people that do. But for some reason it really upset me.

So then I had this little temper tantrum thought process, which I said some of, but fortunately only after I'd slightly calmed myself down: Why is he being so ungrateful about something so wonderful? (which isn't fair, he wasn't being ungrateful, he's just not insanely passionate like me.) Why does he get to learn if he doesn't even appreciate it? I am so jealous of him. I want to go back to school. I hate being an adult and I hate going to work and sitting at a desk for 40 hours a week and I hate paying bills and I want to learn, not write manuals!!!!

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This is ridiculous. I am really lucky. I'm 24 and have a fairly awesome job with a fair amount of flexibility and responsibility. My boyfriend is a wonderful, thoughtful person who works hard to make me happy. I'm projecting on him because in the past I've had a lot of ungrateful boyfriends who have used me and robbed me of opportunities.

Sigh. I HATE being out of school. It's been two years and sometimes I still just go to campus and sit there and mope. Why can't someone just pay me to learn forever?

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