But it's ok. It's really fucking hard, though, and I am working harder than I've ever worked at a desk job. Today, I accepted that I can only do as much as I can do, and I have to trust that my instincts and experience will kick in, and make up for what I feel I'm not getting. So much for the slow, gentle return to my field. Into the fire I go! The people are really nice, though. But I feel like such a weirdo screwball! I say stuff, and then I'm like "Fuck! I shouldn't have said that!" But I also realized that if I'm pleasant, work hard and do a good job, it doesn't matter if I'm kind of eccentric. I had such plans to hide it and be all mysterious and not reveal anything about myself and I can't fucking do it. That's just not me.

I've also learned that I need to work out the minute I walk in the door. If I sit on the couch, it's so much harder to get back up, and I don't think I sleep as well if I eat dinner late. Plus, it feels really good to get my body moving after I've been in my head all day.