Welcome To The Bitchery

My post-election fantasy

Two in the books on GT already so I’ll hop in with a third. Nods to woodle and HenriLCN. The end is the fun bit.

My fantasy commencing Nov 9 involves Trump indeed insisting that he would have won but for rigging, but every elected member of the GOP and everyone in the print and TV media ignores him and concedes to Hillary, some more graciously than others. On Breitbart, Bannon and Stone and Trump keep pushing it, but after three days’ news cycle of nothing new to offer, they are quickly abandoned by the rest of the news corps, making it suddenly very starkly clear that they do not matter a whit. After two weeks of this, Breitbart et al. themselves abandon Trump, who continues to scream about rigging, but nobody is listening, including his sons, who have strategically abandoned him to answer to their own respective boardrooms. Their brand stocks plummet and they spend two weeks ducking cameras before the news decides they’re no longer interesting or relevant.

With Hillary Clinton now the President-Elect, President Obama is able to push through hearings for Merrick Garland in a Republican-majority senate that is about to lose its majority. Ruth Bader Ginsburg and Steven Breyer retire on January 30, allowing the new President Clinton to immediately tap Ketanji Brown Jackson and Sri Srinivasan.


Meanwhile, the Trump University court case commences on 28 November. It’s heard in the news for a few weeks, exposing more Trump scandals and idiocy, before being roundly ignored due to nothing new. During this trial, Gonzalo Curiel is fair as hell and rules for Trump three times with a deliciously sanctimonious nod, before he gets hit with a $4 kajillion dollar settlement. During the trial, it comes out that there are in fact criminal charges that should be brought. Trump is charged newly instated Republican prosecutors, who win an easy conviction.

Here’s the fun part. The new judge rules that Trump must get on his knees publicly on the courthouse steps and recite his convictions to a priest, then get shaved by nuns. He has to disrobe and walk from the courthouse to Trump Tower flanked by more nuns ringing a bell and yelling, “Shame!” During this time, the citizens of Manhattan are encouraged throw rotten food items, but there is no violence in evidence. Trump arrives at Trump Tower to learn that his accounting firms have all dropped him as a client, as he has functionally less than zero in his personal AND brand worth, and he is legally compelled to sell Trump Tower and all his other holdings, bar a small condo in Hoboken. He moves there with Melania and Barron, who stick it out for three months before the divorce filings come in. Her new pro-bono high profile lawyer gets her NDA and pre-nups torn up and she makes a killing in a tell-all book deal. Trump shuffles around his messy condo in his socks and grey underpants by himself, and after a couple of years, receives no visitors except Chris Christie, who has himself just been let out of a short prison sentence.

And we all live happily ever after and never hear the name Trump again, because his sons and Ivanka have had to start working like real people for a living and nobody thinks they’re relevant.

The end.

Share This Story