Welcome To The Bitchery
Welcome To The Bitchery

Now that I've been on OkCupid for two days, I have so many great messages I have to share with you all. I've been saving them for one big post, as opposed to posting them individually and spamming GT, so here we go.

#1: "Hey "Replies very selectively" Jenna, I realize that you probably prefer messages from handsome football players or Latin dance instructors, but you should still definitely respond to me. I mean, what's the worst that could happen? If it doesnt work out, you can just tell your hot friends that you spoke with a normal guy for once and you can all have a good laugh. :)".

Advertisement

I love that this guy is judging me based on my looks alone, while asking me not to do that of him.

#2: "Hello

I'm having a party with me and my 9 year old son! i'm ordering pizza, breadsticks and pop! also could get some damn good beer for us adults!

call me [redacted] or email me [redacted]

let me know and I can send over my address

thanks!"

Advertisement

#3 is in two parts:

Message 1: "Hey Jenna, I loved your profile. You sound like the female version of me aside from being a lefty and a Purdue alum.
I don't really mind the word "moist" but I could live without "huh" for sure!
I have the gas buddy app, I love the Colts/hate the Patriots, and I'm definitely team cake. (If you read that last sentence you'll also notice I'm a fan of the Oxford comma; it's really the way to be).
Anywho, maybe we can get to know each other and enjoy a nice hike before the weather gets too cold!
I look forward to hearing from you."

Advertisement

Message 2, sent one hour later: "That was the most genuine and personal message I have ever sent on here and I'm betting the most personal one you've gotten. Certainly me effort is worth a reply."

#4: "I was bored and casually browsing profiles. Now, I don't think much of online dating at all, but your picture caught my attention. Then I read your profile and I became all the more interested. Aside from being beautiful, you seem like an amazingly honest and genuine person. I've been single for awhile because I wanted to take time to find the right girl. You might be her and I hope from the bottom of my heart you are. I'd like to open doors for you. Write you poetry. Bring you flowers while you're at work. More importantly, I think my perfect night could be described as the two of us cuddled together on the couch with a bottle of wine. I'd love to get to know you further and talk sometime. If you're interested than by all means, feel free to send me a message."

Advertisement

Those are the highlights, but there were so many others. I just checked my inbox, and I've gotten 67 messages in just under 48 hours. I've only messaged two of them back. Online dating is hard.

Share This Story

Get our newsletter