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Welcome To The Bitchery

Now that I've been on OkCupid for two days, I have so many great messages I have to share with you all. I've been saving them for one big post, as opposed to posting them individually and spamming GT, so here we go.

#1: "Hey "Replies very selectively" Jenna, I realize that you probably prefer messages from handsome football players or Latin dance instructors, but you should still definitely respond to me. I mean, what's the worst that could happen? If it doesnt work out, you can just tell your hot friends that you spoke with a normal guy for once and you can all have a good laugh. :)".


I love that this guy is judging me based on my looks alone, while asking me not to do that of him.

#2: "Hello

I'm having a party with me and my 9 year old son! i'm ordering pizza, breadsticks and pop! also could get some damn good beer for us adults!

call me [redacted] or email me [redacted]

let me know and I can send over my address



#3 is in two parts:

Message 1: "Hey Jenna, I loved your profile. You sound like the female version of me aside from being a lefty and a Purdue alum.
I don't really mind the word "moist" but I could live without "huh" for sure!
I have the gas buddy app, I love the Colts/hate the Patriots, and I'm definitely team cake. (If you read that last sentence you'll also notice I'm a fan of the Oxford comma; it's really the way to be).
Anywho, maybe we can get to know each other and enjoy a nice hike before the weather gets too cold!
I look forward to hearing from you."


Message 2, sent one hour later: "That was the most genuine and personal message I have ever sent on here and I'm betting the most personal one you've gotten. Certainly me effort is worth a reply."

#4: "I was bored and casually browsing profiles. Now, I don't think much of online dating at all, but your picture caught my attention. Then I read your profile and I became all the more interested. Aside from being beautiful, you seem like an amazingly honest and genuine person. I've been single for awhile because I wanted to take time to find the right girl. You might be her and I hope from the bottom of my heart you are. I'd like to open doors for you. Write you poetry. Bring you flowers while you're at work. More importantly, I think my perfect night could be described as the two of us cuddled together on the couch with a bottle of wine. I'd love to get to know you further and talk sometime. If you're interested than by all means, feel free to send me a message."


Those are the highlights, but there were so many others. I just checked my inbox, and I've gotten 67 messages in just under 48 hours. I've only messaged two of them back. Online dating is hard.

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