What would be the state of America if we all performed to Congress's standard? Dark humor is appreciated. Bonus points for a filibuster of the apocalypse and similarly ridiculous situations. No length requirements. (Post in comments.)

Background:

Me: NYT: "The Senate voted 55 to 38...four votes short of the 60". The New York Times can't count.

Friend: Neither can Congress so it's all fair.

Me: I hold my news people to a higher standard than Congress. If we all performed to Congress' standard, we'd probably be even worse off. Maybe the apocalypse or something.

Friend: That seems too difficult. Someone would filibuster the apocalypse and then the vote would be split down party lines.

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Me: Time for some fiction writing! I am going to submit this to the Internet as a challenge.

ETA: THAT IS NOT A PICTURE OF MY FRIEND, BUT A GIS RESULT FROM "NANOWRIMO + CONGRESS".