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Need erotic advice

...For a friend.
I hate the term "vanilla," but I just can't stand anything to do with humiliation and violence. I look for "sex-positive" porn, but even then I find it veers too close to BDSM for me (I don't want to diss people who like BDSM, but it's not my thing.)

Essentially, I want to see adults of both genders enjoying sex without limits placed on gender, but without anyone being called "sissy" or humiliated or fetishized based on their bodies. Why is that so hard to find?


ETA: are there any good critiques of the way men are portrayed in porn? Even in gay porn there's this sense that one must be dominated and the other dominating. and men can never, EVER smile in porn.

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