Hey guys. Who wants to help me come up with stuff for a Kitchenette article?

So I'm looking for examples of weird food-related injuries. I figure I might as well get a chance to use my "hit myself in the eye with a superheated marshmallow at five years old" story, but I need other absurd injuries to get a whole article out of it. These don't have to be from any particular setting, as long as they involve food and are funnier than they are tragic. Also, I'm looking for particularly bizarre, here, so if it's a knife-related injury, it should probably be a knife being wielded by a Lobster that got free and decided to cut a motherfucker.

If you would like to help with this, please, DO NOT POST THEM HERE. E-mail them to me at WilyUbertrout@gmail.com. If you post them here, I can't use them. Thanks in advance!