Welcome To The Bitchery
Welcome To The Bitchery

OK, so I do not have a pic attached to my OKC profile, but the text is pretty great if I do say so myself. I'm objectively not pretty — very asymmetrical, kind-of weird looking, this isn't just BDD or low self-esteem — so I want to connect with someone on a less shallow level first. It just takes a while for someone to see my beauty, you know? (And I understand the "men are visual" and "they want to make sure you're really a girl" arguments, but at 40, am really hoping that by now someone will want something more than arm candy.)

I made a few text edits, and soon afterward got a message from a guy which says:

And now yours is my new favorite profile. Why no pic?

Eek. I took a couple of days to reply, since my first emotion was sheer terror, ha. I have good match numbers (for whatever that's worth) with this guy, his profile text sounds pretty good, the only fear I have is that he's listed as "fit" and I'm...not. So eventually I reply with this (the last sentence of which refers to something he wrote in his profile):

Ha, wow — favorite? High praise. Well, I'm a bit chicken on the picture thing, frankly — I'm trying to gin up the courage to post one. I think my beauty resides in the things I talk about in my profile, which is why I want someone to see that first. And similarly, I look for compatibility in words rather than photos. But I may post one tomorrow, just have to dig up the file. There's probably no better combination than a smooth whiskey and a small piece of dark chocolate...


He replies:

I agree. Having said that, you could write the most beautiful stuff in the world...but if I don't know what you look like, I can't take it seriously. I'm sure you're smart...this is how online dating works! Come on, show that smile!


Is that...is that mansplaining?!? And I'm not a fan of doing something because somebody (much less a complete stranger) tells me to, so although I did actually dig up and crop a photo in preparation for maybe loading it today, now I don't want to. So there are two ways I want to reply, but am asking you guys for a gut-check before I send anything, whether it's one of these or something else:

For all your "favorite profile" smoke, the only thing you've asked me about is a picture, which tells me that's what you value most. In that case, you should probably just move along. Good luck.



That comes across as "yeah, yeah, whatever — are you hot?" No. Not hot. Move along. Good luck.


But neither of those is probably right. I feel like this guy was aggressive on the one point about which I am most sensitive — and in his defense, he couldn't possibly have known that. But his aggression is rubbing me the wrong way. Thoughts? Thanks.

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