Need some kind words. TW death & other suckage

I was doing SO WELL recently, but then... It's been a shit-tastic few weeks.

My father passed away 3 weeks ago. I was lucky enough to get there in time to see him before he officially passed, but he was unconscious and on life support so I don't know that he was aware of my presence. Regardless, I held his hand and talked to him, told him I loved him, thanked him for being my wonderful dad, etc. I had to leave the room when they disconnected life support (he would not have wanted to stay on it; they only had him on it until I could get there from 1/2 way across the US), then they came out and said he was passing. I ran back in the room and took his hand and told him I loved him. I really didn't want to leave him after he'd passed. The nurses were kind of looking at me and I said, "but I don't want to say goodbye."

By that time I had been crying nonstop since receiving the call from my stepmother the night before.

Not even three weeks later, I go up for contract renewal and it's basically a hearing in front of the whole department. Of the 24 people present, only a handful have ever had any dealing with me, but they all vote. The leaders of my department mounted what I consider a character assassination, saying that I was dishonest & a liar, ascribing evil intentions to actions I mad that were just errors of judgement. [EDIT: the behavior in question was 2 years ago and I've been working really hard at improving my teaching, which was what they encouraged me to focus on. It felt like they held on to a grudge but never actually talked to me about it.] I had apologized for making bad decisions, said I had learned the hard way, would do things differently if given a chance, but then I step out of the room and they discuss and then vote, and they voted not to renew me. So. Ok.

Between these two things, my car dies and now it takes me 90 minutes to get to or from work instead of 30, what with plodding through the snow, waiting at bus stops / transferring buses etc. I haven't had time to take the car to a mechanic yet, but I'm positive it is effed beyond repair.

Anyway. I don't mean to sound like a victim. I'm just kind of feeling low. It doesn't help that I don't have close friends here. I moved here for the job (academia!) and the folks I was closest to my first 2 years have moved away. Another close friend here has a wife & young child so he's not really available much. I do have a therapist and I text my best friends in other cities. Holy fuck I feel pathetic though.


Thanks for listening.

How should I take care of myself? What should I be doing right now? I just want to lie in bed & weep.