Welcome To The Bitchery
Welcome To The Bitchery

New rule for my future self

Shit-stirring Facebook posts will now earn people an immediate delete, and if they are friends, I will phase them out into the "polite acquaintance" category. Because people who post drama on Facebook are going to make drama in real life, too. All of the nope.

I should already know this. Every time I've had a friend who posts passive-aggressive shit on Facebook and I continue to be friends with them, they end up "breaking up" with me in the most dramatic and hurtful way possible over the most minor offenses. I was reminded of this yesterday, though, when a Facebook friend posted the following status: "Such a productive day, it's so nice to have friends who are there for you. I guess that's what you get when you treat ppl right and aren't too happy to be compassionate, and don't lie to their faces and then cheat on them with tr*nny ho bags." (I added the * there - she used the actual word. ughhhh.)


As if the slur isn't enough to immediately hit the "defriend" button, this is a huge misrepresentation of what actually happened. This status refers to a mutual (ex) friend. She has a lot of mental health issues, including depression and anxiety, and I strongly suspect borderline personality disorder. I was friends with her for years and really cared about her, but one thing that was always really hard for me as a friend was the way she treated her partner. She was, frankly, abusive to him. She put him down in public and was incredibly mean. She punished him emotionally for the smallest offenses. They never had sex and she made fun of his sexual abilities in front of their friends. I tried to gently talk to her about it once or twice and it led to a lot of drama and almost caused the end of our friendship, so I backed off. So in October when he announced he wanted a divorce, I wasn't 100% on her side. I had some sympathy - he did it suddenly and she had abandonment issues - but honestly, if I were him I would have left years ago. I tried to find a balance, show compassion without agreeing with her that he was the villain, but she decided I wasn't being "compassionate enough" and literally ended our 6-year-long friendship by storming out of a coffee shop and never talking to me again because I wouldn't take full blame for being a bad friend by not texting her to ask how she was doing every single day. That's what the line "aren't too happy to be compassionate" in the mutual friend's Facebook status refers to. As to the rest of it, it's about the now-ex-husband. About a month or two after he broke up with my ex-friend, he began dating a trans man. There was never any cheating.

In every single instance where someone posts a shit-stirring, passive-aggressive Facebook status, I have found it is a gross misrepresentation of what actually happened and where the blame lies. I responded to this disgusting Facebook status by commenting, "This is completely uncalled for in every way." Then I hit delete. It felt good.

Share This Story

Get our newsletter