I have a 3 week old that is exclusively breastfed. She’s gaining weight like a pro, and has been a great latch since day 1. However, I’m really hating breastfeeding. I feel like I’m on 2-3 hour intervals for her next meal, I’m sick of having my boob hanging out all the time, and I have these weird moments where I wake up in the middle of the night afraid I fell asleep feeding her, and it takes me a minute to check back into reality and realize everything is okay. I’m also practicing pumping and dreading all that comes along with that - will I produce enough milk? Will it affect work? Will I find time to pump when needed after maternity leave?
This morning, I didn’t get dressed fast enough before her next feeding, and her cries triggered a full on anxiety attack. I feel like I’m solely responsible even though my husband is willing and able to help in any capacity. I’m beginning to look at her like a chore, and it’s killing me. I love her so much, and even after feeding, I just stare at her and cuddle her. But I also cry and fear she’s sensing I’m upset.
I don’t really know where I’m going with this or what question I have, but I figured maybe someone will read this and offer something. My husband is already back at work, and my mom goes home tomorrow. Next week is my first week alone with the baby, and this isn’t exactly the mentality I want to have going into it.