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Illustration for article titled Nine oclock!

Time for Catlover to announce that he is dying. He is dying of starvation.

Clearly I've planned this fate for him all along. I've just been pretending to care for him and feed him everyday for the past two years, only to let him starve on this, the 23rd of December, 2013. Usually I get up by nine to feed him, but not today! What is wrong? Why have I decided to be so cruel?


His only hope is to whine loudly and insistently, hoping that his cries cause me to take pity on him and finally fill his bowl.

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