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Not processing that my stepbrother is gone...

My stepsister called me a while ago to ask if I wanted to ride with her up to the funeral. She was crying the whole time and I could only understand half of what she was saying. My dad calls me right after and tells me he'd really like me to be there. He hands the phone over to my stepmom and I just felt so awful and awkward because she was crying and I didn't know the words to say...

I feel like an awful person for not crying but I just can't right now. I don't think it is going to truly hit me until I see him. I am gonna have to call work tomorrow and see if I can get the days off to go to the funeral. I feel like I really need to go and say good bye.

I just don't know. I know that people process things differently/slowly and may not cry but I still feel guilty for not doing that. My brain knows that it is normal but I still feel bad for not processing it and crying and all that. If someone else were in my shoes right now I would be telling them it is ok to not be crying, but since this is me I just feel like it's not.

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