You guise, I need to be do a little melodramatic moping; can I do it here? I'm too embarrassed to emote in real life.
My heart feels like it is splintering. I cannot believe how much it hurts.
Dejection, rejection, all the bad emo"tions"...I'm swimming in them right now.
Tha dood I'm with—we're unofficially official— appears to be withdrawing with no explanation.
Okay, so he hasn't verbally said, "Baba Yaga, your legs are too bony. I don't like you anymore. All that stuff I said about caring about you, and wanting us to be together for a long time?I didn't actually mean it."
But he hasn't shown any enthusiasm in the last two weeks in any of our interactions—texts are rare, with hours and hours and hours between responses—and boy, are they tepid. He hasn't actually invited me to hang out in ages. just weekends. I feel like a glorified bed warmer.
Most crushing to my self esteem...he has no response to me naked. And you guys...I look pretty damn decent naked. We used to have amazing sex. I have a lovely butt. We used to make out alllll the time. Go on adventures. Talk, laugh, and be giddily infatuated.
And now, he doesn't react at all. No boners to be seen. It makes me feel...so ugly, and lacking somehow. He never initiates. at all. We used to be so passionate in every conceivable way...and now? I don't know. I feel like I've been doing everything I can, as pathetic as it sounds, to be loveable, to be desirable, to be a truly genuine good friend. and it's not enough.
he doesn't want me. He doesn't want me. He. Does. Not. Want. Me.
And it fucking sucks. Because I want him so much.
I know he doesn't have to like me or stick around...it's not his fault that he doesn't feel a certain way anymore. I can't be mad, but, oh my gosh, I am so motherfucking sad.
I'm heartbroken : (