Before I went to bed last night, I ran into my aunt in the kitchen for a few minutes. I've made my best attempts to avoid her when I'm not in class, but it's hard in the evenings. I keep it clipped and to the point, I don't get personal or emotional when I do talk to her. (she's a heavy drinker and very self involved, through our interactions up to this point, I've figured out she's not safe to share personal details with.)
Last night though, my brain just kind of switched off for a second and I forgot who I was talking to, so when she asked how I was I made an offhand comment about my weird OKC experience from last night that I posted about here. So, she jumped on that, got really judgy and kept asking "why are you taking this way too personally?" and (I'm not. It was weird. That was literally the extent of my dialogue about the whole thing to her. IT WAS WEIRD. THE GUY WAS WEIRD. HIS RESPONSE TO ME WAS WEIRD. That's it. How that became I'm "taking it way too personally" is beyond me.) Then "Well, (Natface) I hate to break it to you, but people are strange. You just have to deal with it. There's no way out of it." Well, thank you so much for this shiny pearl of ultimate wisdom. For the record, I'm a counseling psych major. This is such a huge revelation, "people are strange." I need to go write some letters to my professors and the board of the nonprofit I work with. THIS WILL UPROOT THE ENTIRE SYSTEM.
So, whatever. I guess the part that is inspiring this rant though, is that after that exchange, I guess she caught on that I was pissed and uncomfortable, so on my way out of the kitchen she remarked that I look like I've lost weight. Okay. Fine. I went gluten free, I've probably lost some water weight bloat. That's it. But she went on. "Your little round belly is gone now." (ugh.) "Your muffin top is gone." (ugh, ugh.) "Oh, but you still have those luscious full thighs."
Oh my god, what in the actual fuck? Ugh, ugh, ugh. I want to crawl out of my skin right now. Who the hell says shit like this to their young(ish) niece? I would have turned right around and set a boundary with her, that under no circumstance is it okay to comment on my body in such a way, but she had been drinking. Boundary setting in my experience doesn't work well when one or both parties aren't completely stone cold sober. So, I'm going to go straight home from class today and wait for her to get home from school, and tell her as soon as she gets in. This isn't okay. I'm a survivor of sexual assault. Comments on my body are extremely triggering.
In other news, I made strawberry nutella french (gluten free) toast this morning in honor of my French class quiz. That's been a nice highlight.