I called my mother about twenty minutes ago.

I forget why I called. I think I wanted to tell her I had a job interview. Maybe I wanted to tell her about a cool recipe I found? It could've been a lot of things.

GroupThink, you don't know much about FluterMom. There's ... a reason for that. Let me give you the run-down: she's single-minded. She's a talker. And she's always right. She has lots of opinions. I've never really been clear where they come from or what they're based on, because they sometimes contradict sentences said only seconds before.

There's this really classic story about her brief support of Sarah Palin - because as ridiculous as Palin was, as a VP, she wouldn't have had the power to influence laws? Or something? When we're not talking about specific political candidates, my mother is actually a pretty strong feminist. She's not just pro-Choice, she's actually pro-abortion. She's said some of the most progressively pro-women things I've heard in real life, which isn't saying a lot about my life, but does say a lot about my mother. I'm really puzzled as to where this random rabid Republican-ness comes from.


I forget why I called FluterMom because about twenty minutes later, I found myself still unable to escape from an extended rant about Obama. I don't think she took a breath the entire time. I definitely tried to empathize about expensive private insurance - I have it too! - but she couldn't be bothered to receive information. Today's mission was all about giving it out. Particularly, about ObamaCare and how it has caused health insurance to be the main expense in my parents' household. It's gone up to nearly a thousand dollars!

But Mom, you and FluterDad are getting older - "THAT'S NOT THE REASON. IT'S OBAMA."

But Mom, your rather unfortunate medical histories - "THAT'S NOT THE REASON. IT'S OBAMA."

Mom, FluterDad just turned sixty! "THAT'S NOT THE REASON. IT'S OBAMA."

But Mom - something ridiculous about flaming lizards and maybe a unicorn for good measure (she wasn't even listening) "THAT'S NOT THE REASON. IT'S OBAMA."

I think I might have been having a good day before, but I don't remember. All I remember is "THAT'S NOT THE REASON. IT'S OBAMA," because my brain has taken on the gelatinous texture that it tends to take on when someone lectures at you for twenty non-stop minutes without appearing to breathe.