You guys, I may have regretted something I did yesterday.

I was dumped eight months ago of my partner of five years (and we'd been engaged for two) and I was (and am?) still hung up on him. So I thought, what's a better remedy for a breakup than going on to OKC for some eye candy and fun, right? Wrong.

A few dates here and there, I finally met one OKC user whom I connected with and had fun conversations with. We did coffee dates, walks around the city, and exhibitions-hopping before we finally made out. We both understood that we didn't want a serious relationship just yet, and he suggested that we be fuckbuddies. I thought long and hard (ha) about it and I thought why the fuck not? My ex and I was a LDR and from the last time we were together until the breakup, I did not have sex for 2.5 years. So yeah, I was frustrated, lonely and horny, so I said yes.

We did the deed yesterday, and while I was really excited and looking forward to it, the experience left me feeling bad. Maybe it's because I've never done this before. My ex was my first sexual partner and he'd been kind and gentle. My OKC fuckbuddy was respectful, but I could feel the difference between having sex with someone who loves you as opposed to someone who's using you because you have the right parts. Sometime during our post-coital nap, I actually broke down silently because I was reminded of my ex and I kept seeing his face.

I've been crying on and off since then and I don't know for sure if it's because I regret the sexual encounter or for my ex. :(

*Apologies if I sound incoherent.