(TW: death and dying)

Let me start this by saying I am not depressed, sad, sick, suffering, or any of that. This is not about depression AT ALL, or about wishing I was dead, or not liking my life. Quite the opposite is true, actually. So this is really just something I occasionally think about, with curiosity but not necessarily eagerness. I hope that makes sense.

So, I occasionally find myself thinking about what it will be like when I die. Will I gradually "cross over", or does it happen all at once? At what point will I get to see the people I love who have died before me? (Because that had better happen! I'm totally counting on it.) Will I feel bad for the people left behind who are grieving, or does that somehow become OK? Will all the things I wish I knew about the universe suddenly become known?

I've given birth to babies, and I've been with two family members when they died, and each of these has been a truly sacred experience. I'm just so curious about what comes next - yes, I'm someone who believes there is a "next". Any others out there who ponder this, too?