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Office Politics: Self-described "Token Sassy Office Gay" is a jackass

So as I mentioned a few weeks ago, I got a new job! Wooooooo!

Illustration for article titled Office Politics: Self-described Token Sassy Office Gay is a jackass

I've spent the last 2 weeks getting to know my coworkers and I really like a lot of them and get along with all of them....except one.

This guy is 23/24, white, financially privileged, and has given himself the title of "token sassy office gay". Our office is large and the work we do is very progressive, so I actually have quite a few gay colleagues, but he is the only one in the "young and fun entry level" social circle. He's decided to use that niche to be, frankly, a huge ass. His most outrageous comments generally occur at post-work happy hours or when we're all outside eating lunch on the patio, and not quite so much in the actual office.


Some typical comments:

"Girl, your hair is not cute today, looks like someone woke up laaaate and didn't have time to get it together."

"Mmm if you prefer white wine to red, you need to either grow up or kill yourself, cause bitch this is not college."


"I feel like I need a list to keep track of all the women who want me to give them a makeover."

"Every time I meet someone new, I hope they'll have hot gay friends but they're always fucking ugggg."


"Ugh, women. I'll, like, never understand how someone could be attracted to you."

"All you bitches need to follow my lead."

"These are my office bitches, and I am their queen."

"Honey, please, you are not gonna have anyone buy you a drink in a button up. You look like a goddamn lesbian."


I'm not sure how much of his behavior is his actual personality and how much of it is an exaggerated act. But I think he gets away with it because no one wants to risk being called homophobic if they address his bullshit. But being gay and being an asshole (or "sassy") are in no way related. In this case, he happens to be BOTH and I feel like no one knows how to critique one without disparaging the other.

Like I said, I'm new, but I don't want to put up with his bullshit and misogyny. Tips for how to tactfully call him out?


ETA: He also seems to want to be the "proud vegan" stereotype who won't shut up about how healthy his food choices are and how he gets so much protein through plants and has so much energy and 'who would put garbage like mcdonald's into their bodies' & blahblahblah. But these comments are more irritating than enraging.

ETA2: I'd like to try a non-HR approach first, mostly because I don't think his intention is necessarily to be hurtful or rude. I think he has deluded himself into thinking (with the help of the media) that all straight women want a sassy, flamboyant gay best friend like Jack from Will & Grace. I know straight women can be a big part of creating this problem, because many DO want to compartmentalize gay men into the gay best friend role. I'm not sure it bothers all of my female coworkers, some might find it funny, but I would guess that it certainly bothers some others.

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