I'm so blitzed from a late-night grading binge that I have little confidence in my picks or my ability to be clever with my categories. I mostly hope my tiredness doesn't impact the mustache-war I seem to have been dragged into.
Fire Bad! Bad Games bad!
Kansas City vs. Philadelphia
This game has the capability of being so-bad-that-you-think-it's-so-bad-it's-good-but-no-it's-actually-just-bad. This game will be Snakes on a Plane Bound for the Star Wars Christmas Special vs. Sharknado bad. Playing on a short week, I'm guessing that Eagles linemen will be faking injuries to slow down Chip Kelly's up-tempo offense. What's he going to do, pull their scholarship and stop letting them collect Nikes stuffed with cash? The only possible reason to turn on NFL network tomorrow night would be to see if Philly fans break the Seahawks fans' crowd noise record when they boo the fuck out of Andy Reid.
Arizona vs. New Orleans
Cleveland vs. Minnesota
Buffalo vs. NY Jets
Oakland vs. Denver
Fire neither good nor bad by itself, but good or bad depending on how it used, much like mediocre good or bad depending on how much booze you drink!
Green Bay vs. Cincinnati
St. Louis vs. Dallas
Am I really at that point in the season already when I no longer derive any pleasure picking against Dallas? That sucks.
San Diego vs. Tennessee
New York USFB Giants vs. Carolina
Atlanta vs. Miami
Jacksonville vs. Seattle
Chicago vs. Pittsburgh
Fire Pretty! Fire Angry!
Detroit vs. Washington
Indianapolis vs. San Francisco
As much as it fills me with shame to agree with Collin Cowherd, I think it's likely that the 49ers will be angry at themselves for losing so badly last week, and will take out their aggression on the innocent Colts. Kind of makes you wish they had a healthier way to work through their emotions.
Ph.Dad's Pizza, Hot dogs, and Donuts Pick of the Day of the Week of the Month of the Century of the Universe of Fun
Tampa Bay vs. New England.
One of these weeks, the Pats will lose to an inferior team, and I will look like a genius.
Random non-NFL pick, "Awful Episodes of Otherwise Great TV Series" edition
Buffy the Vampire Slayer, "Him" vs. Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, "Profit and Lace."