It's a bit hard to concentrate on the vital task of justifying my random choices for the winner of games that I probably won't watch, but I must soldier on: my fans need me! To turn them on. So that they will blow cooler air on me. The cool-down we've had for the past week or so seems to have gone bye-bye, but maybe it's coming back. Hey, and maybe the Rangers are coming back, too! It's just awesome that they could potentially sweep their final homestand and STILL FUCKING NOT MAKE IT TO THE PLAYOFFS!!! Oh wait, I didn't mean awesome, I meant awful. You know those two words used to be synonyms, both meaning "terrifying"?
Awesome (meaning terrifyingly bad) games
Cincinnati vs. Cleveland
Indianapolis vs. Jackson Hole
NY Giants vs. Kansas City
I'm guessing that Kansas City fans are sitting around anxiously waiting for the team to become a train wreck again. If they were going to, the Giants would be the team to do it against. Beating them will prove not much.
Arizona vs. Tampa Bay
Baltimore vs. Buffalo
Pittsburgh vs. Minnesota
NY Jets vs. Tennessee
Washington vs. Oakland
Awful (In the sense of "Aw, they won't be so bad") Games
San Francisco vs. St. Louis
Chicago vs. Detroit
All I can think when I see this matchup is the line from the Grateful Dead's "Truckin'" that says, "Chicago, New York, Detroit, and it's all on the same street." That doesn't affect my pick.
Philadelphia vs. Denver
Dallas Vs. San Diego
A lot of people are saying that a team could win the NFC East with a 9-7 record. I disagree: a team could win the NFC East with a 6-10 record, and that team is likely going to be the Cowboys.
Awesomeful (Wait, what? That's not a word!) Games
Seattle vs. Houston
Yeah, let's see you win a game without the noise of a billion seagulls screeching.
Miami vs. New Orleans
What? I think it will be a good game!
PhDad's PhD (Please help, Dudes [in the gender-neutral sense of the word]) Pick of the Week of the Sentence
New England vs. Atlantis
Okay, I need your help, Groupthinkers: should I bench Gronk or start him in my fantasy team? (Assuming he plays.) I've got shit for options on back-up TE. But with my luck, if I start him, he'll play like crap and get critically injured; if I rest him, he'll have the last good game of his career and then be a complete scrub for the rest of the season. What should I do?